renewed.

i have dreamt of being in a windy field with a vibrant sky. the wind blows my hair gently across my face and i'm crying. i'm fully at peace. there's no other person with me, but i sense the presence of all i love. there is no darkness or turmoil within me. when i brush my hand over the tall grass it soaks in through my skin.
the breeze blows around me
over me
through me.

i wake up. sit up. there's an ache in my chest - that feeling of trying to take a deep breath in cold air...where before you breathe in enough to satisfy, it feels as if your lungs would crack and burst. a feeling like a sponge that wants to soak up the water... but is too hard and dry. like a rubber-band that wants to stretch but is brittle and broken.

i hobble to the window with one hand on my aching side and the other pressed against my chest. my eyes squint against the brilliant sun piercing through the trees.

...my lungs can't fill with air enough. my eyes can't open wide enough.

one day.